Aries in Spring...

Another birthday come and gone.

I went for my usual daily walk. I spent the rest of the day in bed. For dinner I ate frozen chicken tenders while staring out my kitchen window. It was my birthday.

I did rise momentarily to intercept the giant package that Ninja sent to me, one of their new Ninja Frost Vault coolers with wheels. A great birthday gift. The only birthday gift. Which is ok. I like to celebrate my birthday alone; without my partner and without my mom. Being with them means labor, even on the one day I’m not supposed to put in any labor, a day centered around me. “What would you like? What would you like to do? What would you like to eat?” Not helpful. I have a bad habit of loving the way I want to be loved. I spend hours, days, months on getting someone a thoughtful gift. And I’m too old to pretend or put on a fake smile that says, “I’m grateful for this last minute trinket you picked up at the gas station,” when it comes to my partner. And whatever pink thing Mami buys me because it was something she liked. Gifts are just a reminder that the two people I’m closest two have absolutely no fucking idea who I am. But, my therapist did tell me that I was “unpredictable. No one likes that.”

I’ve just been losing myself in beautiful hikes in Northern California. On the coast, in the delta, in the mountain ranges. If you’d like to know about these hikes, some of which are short (just a few feet from the parking lot to the water) and disable friendly, let me know in the comments. I can also give you some places to eat and thrift around the area.