Where Did Mami Eat This Week?
A place she didn't like, that's where.
If anyone of Mami’s Maniacs would like to send trinkets to Mami, she now has a P.O.Box.
Which I pay for.
Mami Maisonet
5960 S Land Park #222
Sacramento, CA 95822
And as always:
You can still see all past stories on my portfolio where I store clips.
https://eatgordaeat.blogspot.com/
If you want to contribute to this artist in residence, mami’s f’ing expensive ass burgers or Dollar Tree visits:
Did you see Mami’s first reel?
Mami doesn’t do bougie. For her and I having communication issues every once in a while, she never has an issue sniffing out the bourgeois. It’s her superpower.
We attempted to hunt down this taco truck that I’ve been dreaming of for the last year. A truck in San Mateo that has the best Cochinita Pibil. One of the few places in Northern California that lists Cochinita Pibil on their menu. And it’s socialistic; available at all hours of the day and affordable to the masses. Please don’t mention El Molino Central. When the truck wasn’t there, immediate sadness. Then we tried to visit Takahashi Market, but they were closed. Their COVID schedule changes slapped us in the face: closed Mondays and Tuesdays and their kitchen no longer operates during the store’s open hours. No hot food. No hot Malasada Wednesdays. A quick look at some other possibilities and either they had permanently closed, weren’t open for the day, weren’t open for another few hours. Bam, BAm BAM!
As a distraction, I headed on over to the Dollar Tree so Mami could shop while I figured out Plan X. That bought me an hour. There was a listing for a burger shop nearby, Jack’s Prime Burgers & Shakes.
San Mateo is in Silicon Valley; an area where a modest one level, two bedroom house built in the 1940s can sell for $1M. I say this from experience. In 2006, I used to mess with a dude who worked in tech. He owned his childhood home in Palo Alto and the house looked like the casita I grew up in! It was extremely cute, but I’d be surprised if there were more than 1,100 square feet of it. This is to say, for it being this type of city…their Dollar Tree was straight up ratchet! Mounds of garbage on the outside of it. Oh, California. You endlessly display the vast chasm between the haves and have nots.
But, Mami was happy as hell because she found polishes and trinkets that apparently the Dollar Trees in Sacramento don’t have. She used the word, “haul,” several times. I don’t know where she’s picking up this profanity. It’s the YouTube. I know it.
The burger junction was less than successful.
Jack's Prime Burgers & Shakes
3723 S El Camino Real
San Mateo, CA 94403
I ordered Mami their “Ultimate Bacon Burger.” Any time something is listed as the ultimate, you tend to get your expectations up. Amirite? “Seasoned Angus beef patty with Cheddar cheese, apple wood smoked bacon, tomato, iceberg lettuce with maple bacon mayo.” This burger was dry. (Pah) Bone dry. Between the patty lacking juiciness and not enough of their “maple bacon mayo,” this burger was the Mojave. Don’t be stingy with the maple bacon mayo, y’all! The mayo seemed to have slightly melted under the heat pressure of the patty. But, what’s hilarious is…the burger wasn’t even hot. And I ordered it via phone from the parking lot, walked up to the window 5 minutes before my actual pickup time.
Above Image: Mami tried to freehand paint Jack Skeleton on her thumb
I always feel extremely bad (almost taking the blame on the horrible experience) when Mami has a bad meal. She rarely has an appetite. She doesn’t eat much, at all. So, when I can get her to eat something and it’s fucking not good, it almost closes that window of allotted time, you know? Like, a missed opportunity. And then I end up feeling extremely down and anxious because I chose the place.
The onion rings were already going to be a miss for me. I’m particularly biased to panko breaded rings. I don’t like most battered rings for the simple fact that deep frying is an art form. And if you’re not an artist of the fry-o-lator, you are a mere fraud! And just as I imagined, they were puffy and not crunchy. Saturated in oil and not light.
This was one of the rare times I also ordered a hamburger because their menu was extremely limited. They only offer hamburgers, five sandwiches, four salads and apps. I don’t remember much about the burger I ordered, so there’s that. Between the two of us, the order was close to $50.
What was the breakout star were their fried pickles. No photo because nom nom nom. They take pickles that are cut the long way and dip them in the same batter as the onion rings. The only issue is some of them met the same fate as the same puffy and saturated way the onion rings were. But, the few that were extremely crunchy from being fried hard and long were glorious.
The moral of the story: everyone enjoys hard and long.
Mami’s Rating: (scrunched up and disapproving face)
IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
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And as always…
If you want to contribute to this artist in residence, mami’s f’ing expensive ass burgers or Dollar Tree visits:
If anyone of Mami’s Maniacs would like to send trinkets to Mami, she now has a P.O.Box.
Which I pay for.
Mami Maisonet
5960 S Land Park #222
Sacramento, CA 95822
You can still see all past stories on my portfolio where I store clips.
Can’t wait to see Mami’s Silicon Valley Dollar Store haul on her secret YouTube channel!!!